Finished!

I’ve finished my project! The afterwards work would just be monitoring the cells, and preserve them in nitrogen after 1 or 2 weeks of selective breeding. So I’ve been thinking of going for a holiday. But then, I think it would not happen, coz I still need to write up my thesis, and that would need another 2 or 3 months. I need to work hard! I just hope I will be hardworking enough though. It’s just that, some of my project mates, they still struggling to get the results, so I do feel really fortunate and lucky, coz all my experiments flow smoothly. I’m impressed by their attitude towards all this. They are so strong! I don’t know what would I do if I’m in their shoes. I think I might do something stupid, coz I’m that type that don’t know how to handle stress. My way of distressing is go shopping, eat chocolate, cheese cakes etc. I just hope that things will turn out good next week. I’ll be back to the lab on Monday again, see what can I help. I hope I can learn something from them too.

And when I’m there, I kept thinking, if I wanna continue masters, what should I be doing? I should do some things that have never been done by others. So like, been thinking. But then, I might not even get a place in the lab, though I’ve ask my supervisor. I really hope I can.

There’s a warehouse sales for fragrance today, and my sister’s there now! I’ve ask her to get something nice and cheap for me, hope she’ll be able to find some.

Taxi

The -80C fridge in the lab was broken! Some irresponsible person who broke the lock of the fridge didn’t have the guts to report to us (we share it with some other people). We found it out today that the temperature has risen to 0C! All my DNA that I used so much time and effort to extract will be degraded. All the bacterias. All the solutions. I’m furious! It’s the mentality of some people. If it’s a shared property, somebody else will take the blame. He or she is such a selfish person. The lab had just repaired it few months back. There’s already a big notice in red on the door of the fridge which says `handle with care’. Lab equipments are very fragile! Don’t they understand English? I’m so mad!

So I went to watch movie after all that. The Taxi, starring Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, Gisele Bundchen. Boy, Gisele is HOT! She’s so tall, her legs are soooo long, and her boobs is just wuuuuhh! Queen Latifah is the taxi driver, who has modified her taxi until it’s like a street racing car. Fallon is a police who do not have a driving license, and Gisele and 3 other girls are bank robbers. Then Queen and Fallon team up to catch Gisele and girls who drives a 760 BMW. I had a good time, laughing most of the time. And I’ve notices the director is quite bias. There’s always close up shoots of Gisele’s body, but I don’t even remember the other 3 girls’ face! He emphasized a lot on Gisele, as if like this movie is specially made for her. I know that it’s a remake of the French version of Taxi. I can only remember the incredible taxi, and Gisele’s body. Once again, she is HOT!

It’s weird. I tend to look at the girls’ body more on the whole. I think it’s my problem. I’m too conscious of my own body. Gisele’s sexy, but I think she need more acting training. I’m so mean. Haha

Dreams shattered

I've been quite busy this week, in the lab. Today I went to have a chat with my supervisor, getting some advice about furthering my studies under her. Seems like she's quite reluctant to accept me as a masters student, coz there have been some problem in uni. The management had cut most of the scholarships that were given to the students (from 200 to 20!). With the scholarship, fees are waived and there is a Rm1300 allowance each month. I'm so sad to hear about it. I'm not good enough to be the top 20 in uni, and I suppose I'm not good enough to get other scholarships either. The last thing i can do is to get Pa-Ma scholarship, and ask my parents to support me for another 2 years, if I want to continue, and get a loan for my fees. But my parents kept forcing me to work after this degree! If this is the case, think they too are quite reluctant to support me. I do not feel like working for a few years first, though some of my friends are doing like this, then only I go back to study. By that time, I think I already don't have the heart to study. Ah!!!!!!!!!!!! What to do?

The Terminal

Watched The Terminal by Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta Jones just now. Boy it was good! I can’t stop laughing and crying in the same time. The movie was about a man, Viktor, who was stuck in JFK Air Port. When he was in the air, a war broke off in his country, and he became a citizen of no where, and America can’t accept him, and he become `unacceptable’. Some part of it was so funny, yet some of it was so touchy. There’s a lot of messages that was brought by this movie. Such as when Viktor (Hanks) saw the news, he doesn’t understand English, he bought the exactly same travel guide in English and Karkortzia (I hope this is the correct spelling, haha) and learn the language from travel guide! He just doesn’t give up! And for sure he’s a very smart person! He made a lot of friends there, mostly are workers in the air port. He even helped one of them to get a wife! And the process is just so comical.

Tom Hanks is a really good actor. And same goes to Catherine Zeta Jones. She can get her eyes all well up with tears (or is it just eye-mo?) in a split of seconds! Better than her sluttish act in Chicago. Her body is just so perfect. But the sad thing is she and Hanks did not pair up at the end. Seems like she went back to her lover (who’s married by the way). Such a waste.

I’ve bought a new mouse! The scroll button is very cute, it’s U shape, not like the usual ones which is like a wheel. I like the feeling of holding it. Fits nicely into my hand.

Bad Dream

Had a bad dream just now in the evening when I'm having a nap. Maybe I slept too little at night and too much during the day. I can still remember, that I was being chase by something. I don't quite know what is it, just that I know something is after me, and i ran and ran and ran, and woke up with shoulders as stiff as rocks! Once read from magazine that if you have dreams like this, is it because you are under stress, and there's something you need to finish fast. I wonder what's that. I should be enjoying my holiday now! But then, sigh. Work. Really think i need to something to destress myself! I don't have this kind of dreams when I'm facing my finals! Maybe is accumulative.... all the stress accumulated until today, and i had this dream. Just maybe....

So will find something interesting to do to destress myself, and that doesn't include eating ice cream. haha

A start of a new chapter

Today is the first day i go back to the lab, after I've stop for the past one and a half month to concentrate on my finals. I'm so not familial with all the things! It's like i totally lost track with what i should be doing and what i should not do. I did the things wrongly, and my body's aching now coz i'm so tense up just now. I even forgot to take my gloves off when i open the door! ( for sterility purpose, we can't open the doors with our gloves on, coz scare will have transmition of bacteria) Those steps that were teached by the seniors were all forgotten. I even have to read through the protocol again and again just to make sure i didn't do the wrong thing. I hope the sense of belonging to the lab will eventually come back to me.

Today's just the beginning of another part, and i don't know how long am I going to do it. i really do hope i can finish all of it during these 2 weeks, then i can go back during raya break! i really need a break!

Sleepless night

I can't sleep. Lie on the bed, but just can't close my eyes. Maybe i slept too much during the evening. Now teaching a friend to make burger, haha. Seems like he's doing it to go picnic with his girl friend! So romantic. I never did cook anything for my man. Think I should find a day and cook some really nice food for him. But I'm staying in a place which I'm not allow to cook. Sigh.

I'm going to continue with my project tomorrow morning, at 8.30am, but still I can't sleep. I do hope i can finish it before the hari raya, so that i can go back hometown for a few days. Just hope, can finish. I also don't know what should I be doing, seems like there will be no senior to guide me and my partner.

Registration day!

Today is a lazy day. I didn’t do anything except lying around in my room. Took back some old magazine to read, take back my books to read. Been up at 8.30 morning to do my registration for the next semester, the server was quite fast, compare to my previous years. The problem is that they only allow us to register for 18 credit hours, and I need at least 21.

Got a shock when my friend told me that one of the course that I’ve taken last semester is invalid! I’m so panic! The new head of the division forbidden us to take it, and she didn’t tell us earlier! Most of my coursemates have taken this course (coz it’s easy), I just don’t know how can we settle it. I’m scare this is not the only subject that she forbid us to take, if it turns out most of the subject that I took last semester is invalid, I think I need to extend ONE YEAR, not 1 semester. She’s the new head, and every time she’s like tell us to do things last minute! Our last head allow us to choose freely, but she insist that we chose from only a list, which consist of the hardest papers! Our core paper are already hard, and most of us didn’t do well, if we still do the hardest optional papers, what will happen to our cgpa? I think I need to meet her tomorrow to clarify things up. I just don’t want this to bother me too much. I just hope I can choose the course I like freely.

I slept in the evening, it’s raining and the weather is so cool. The `nine emperor day’ is approaching, so from now on it will rain a lot, until the Chinese new year I suppose. It’s just so weird, when this day is approaching, it always rain. It’s believed that those emperors come with the rain. I’m not sure about the story. Need to go back ask my grandmother.

Beauty Fair 2004

Went to the Beauty Fair 2004 with my friend just now. Noticed a lot of things. Women, are willing to do anything to be beautiful! From all those beauticians and beauty saloon that's present there, i know that we women if we want to be beautiful, we must work hard (and spend some money too! That's why the beauty industry is such a profitable industry! Money from the women is the easiest to earn i guess.)

I bump into a distributor, which distribute slimming porducts to all those saloon. It turn out that the products that they are selling, is so much cheaper than those that sell in the beauty saloons! A normal slimming concentrated ampule, which they sell for rm20, kight be selling at Rm188 in some local slimming centers! I'm so shock! Imagine some women pay so much to go those slimming centres (which i did mention a few days ago) but the products that they use is not that expensive, and they charge few thousands for the so-called intensive treatment! and 1 ampule can use for 2 weeks! Never ever trust the ads! They might just be using these normal products than those `imported from developed countries' (by the way, this ampule is imported from France I think) And becoming part of them is also easy. You can have yout own slimming boutique, you just need to purchase one set of the products and an equipment, altogether not more than 800, and you can earn a lot! Coz they `guarantee' their customer `instant results' and `long lasting effect'. ha! ( I must admit i was so tempted to pay when i sat there, who don't want to be beautiful? but then, sounds too good to be true)

And the conclusion i can make, if you wanna be slim and beautiful, you need to work hard and use some money to buy some additional aid (reshaping garments etc.) coz you can have the golden proportion if you slim down alone.

My comp broke down

It’s been a few days I can online, my comp broke down! Even my mouse is not functioning! So bad luck. It’s like, one day the mouse start to behave strangely, it kept moving to the upper left side, I thought it’s some infection, I scan. Then the comp started to behave strangely, restarting in the middle of something. Sigh, the comp actually have some system corruption, I install the original set of cds also can’t solve the problem. I just try to fix it, I hope I won’t spoil anything. If I did, think I’ll just send it back to the store. All this is driving me crazy! and i need to register for me secong semester's course in monday! if i can't fix it, i need to go back to uni to do it, which is so troublesome. (in the mean time, I think I need to get a new mouse. The temporary one is driving me nuts!)

All these makes me wonder. I do rely a lot on my comp, it’s like I think I can’t survive a day without touching it, without logging on to msn messenger. Will someday the computers control humans? Like some of the sci-fi movies that we watch? I-Robot perhaps? When in the future robots and computer rulez! I just hope I won’t live long enough to see that day. Imagine everything you do is directed by the computer. It is recommended that you do this, (sound familiar? Just have a look at our antivirus software and our service pack 2) it is not recommended that you do that…… think that’s not freedom for what I can see. What will happen? I think by that time humans will be too lazy to think for themselves, coz everything is `recommended’ for them to do. They can just solve problems by a click away. I can’t say I don’t want to use computers, it’s just that it’s too convenient, then one day we might get too comfortable with it and let it do everything. Might be in the future humans are too lazy to find their partner to breed, and the comp will find the suitable partner base on their genetic habitability.

The thing I want to point out is: It’s just SO HARD to survive one day without my computer!

Ice cream! Yummy!

It’s been an unfruitful day. I’ve been trying to memorize all the facts, but failed. I’ll doze off every time the notes are in front of me. Haha. Then I’ll turn to food! Snack a few times, Bulla light ice cream in English toffee flavour, yummy! I can’t resist smooth ice cream. Just can’t. It’s so satisfying when I consume half a tube….. and it’s a 2 litre tube! I dare not even look at the measuring tape, I’m so-call in the middle of losing weight. Seems like, ahem, this time it’s not successful, next time la.

Had beef udon as dinner! Taste good. I think some of you guys might notice, I’m most happy when I eat. Haha. Can’t control my mouth, my tongue is constantly searching for food that tastes good. So every time I’m on a diet sure won’t succeed. I just can’t control, I have no restraining power on myself. I just want to eat eat eat! Every time when there’s a TV show about food, I just can’t take my eyes off it, especially those introducing food from mainland China. There’s a lot of weird cooking and interesting food from Chinese! And it just makes me hungrier. Is this normal? That’s why I can’t diet. I just need to accept that I’m fat and ugly. Bleh.

How does it like to be really thin and be able to squeeze yourself into size XS? I do wonder sometimes. (I’m not thinking of becoming size XS though) Every time I go shopping I’m sure to notice some of this girls with anorexic features, and I do wonder is this the price of beauty? Is this what they call beauty? I don’t want to turn into that (ah well, this is my excuse) I just wanna be healthy and thin, and lose some fat around my belly and waist.

Slimming centers, anyone?

It’s another those boring day, nothing to do, except eat and sleep. Have no motivation to study, and my next and last paper is on this Friday! Took out all my notes today, but just stare at it, and wonder why I need to do all this. It’s all for the sake of my grades, you see. I study this subject not because I like it, it’s because I heard it’s easy to score. But I have to admit, I love my core papers, hate my elective papers. I did quite badly in the elective papers, I wonder why, since it’s all easy-to-score papers. Maybe my subconscious think those papers are easy, and I didn’t really work hard for it. Anyway, gonna start working extremely hard tomorrow, don’t want my last paper to end badly.

Went to feed fish in the pond again. Really happy, when I see the fish swim near me to eat, and I can just touch them! Don’t know why, just by feeding them I can relax. Weird. Haha.

Yesterday went to those forum that discuss about slimming, and looks like a lot of them have different opinion on slimming centres. I do agree that the ultimate solution for losing weight is to eat healthy and constant exercise. Not much people can do it, because it needs a lot of discipline! Who can reject a chocolate ice cream? Choc fudge cake? Yum yum. And last but not least, I’m LAZY. I just want the simple way out. Sigh, I think this is a fair world. You eat that much, you weigh that much, can’t change it, except you exercise. You are what you eat! Always eat nasi lemak, will have nasi lemak skin. Always eat pizza, then will have pizza face. Haha.

Fish!

Had KFC as dinner. Boy I haven’t had fried chicken for a long long time after I declare my ultimate diet! Each time I had a bite on the chicken, I’m counting all the grams of the fats and proteins and the bad cholesterol I’m consuming, but still I cannot control myself. I MUST have KFC! Who can resist the crunchy and tasty fried chicken although we all knew that it’s bad for our health and waistline? But it’s an unusual scene at the shop just now, there’s practically NO ONE inside the shop! It is because of the fasting month? I went around 7.30pm. It’s only me and Lucas inside the shop! So quiet! But I really felt guilty after eating all those oily food. Way too much calorie intake, more that what I should be consuming a day. Ah well, I think I need to exercise harder tomorrow then.

Anyway, after that we had a walk inside the built-in park in Wan Utama. Lucas was so enthusiastic he bought a packet of fish feed, and start feeding the kois inside the artificial ponds! But I can’t say no, since I saw it made him happy. When others saw what we did, an Indian family also went to buy the same feed, and start feeing the fish! We ran off quickly, since the guard is near by, and we don’t want to be blamed for any fish that’s dead for being too full,haha.

I can say today’s a happy day. I remembered once my lecturer said, it’s very relaxing just to watch the fish swim. And now I know it’s true, coz I can feel a sense of content and happiness when I feed those kois.

What is Death?

I’ve just finished `Tuesdays with Morrie’ by Mitch Albom. It is a true story about a dying teacher (who had ALS amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a disease with the neurological system) who once again teach his student, the meaning of life.

I’m so touched by this book, it really makes me start to think of death, not in a sad way, but on the spiritual way. Why are we afraid of death? It seems like everyone never thought about it, and we Chinese particular think it as something which is bad, and Morrie can embrace it without any hesitation and fear. A dying man should be mourning on his bad luck, instead he reached out to the world to help others about their own problem. Going on the national tv, telling others to love each other, all sorts of things that we lost on our journey to get the materialistic things in our life. We’ve lost the ability to cherish the little things that we had in our life, always on the go to get `better’ things. How sad. This is the time when I start to think: what if I just die tomorrow? How would it be? What have I done in my life? Will I ever regret what I’ve done? Why are we so obsessed with all the humanly things that we cannot take with us when we die? We are the same, every living thing, we were born and some day we’ll die. There’s no difference if we’re a flower or we’re human, we just die when it’s our time.

I’ve learned that we should appreciate the small things in our life. How we should feel lucky we should just with the health that we have. We should reached out our hands to help others, to fill up our spiritual side. I’m thinking a lot of ways that could make me a better person. The first thing, do I have a teacher like that? Those that I remember much are the ones from my secondary school, that have been very kind to me, and not only teach me to study, but also the true meaning of life. I appreciated that. Well, will go back old school when I’m going back, or I’ll just go back teach someday, temporary I mean.

Should get one copy of this book. I’ve borrowed it from a friend, and now I’m eagerly waiting to go to MPH and find one.

Joy Luck Club

Just finished Amy Tan’s `The Joy Luck Club’, at 4 in the morning. Got an indescribable feeling in side my mind. Really don’t know how to explain it, just felt that me too have lost the Chinese roots, the Chinese tradition, even though the 2nd generation in the book was born in America, and I’m a Malaysian. It’s not that I don’t love this country, but I do wonder how our ancestors have come so far away to find a better life other than their home land, and how hard must be for them. I have so much fun reading this, and it really made me think how am I going to relate my Chinese roots to my children one day. (if I ever going to get marry, haha) How is it like to be a Chinese but you don’t know the language? I pity those who think that their traditions are inferior to those of the western. We should keep our roots. Through the language you can get to know the beauty of our tradition. Think I should dig out all my `ming ju jing hua’, try to learn back how to write mandarin characters! I’ve forgotten a lot of it, though I still can read, but am not able to write those hard words. When you seldom use it, it’s just not as good as it use to be. The same goes to my mandarin!

Got myself a blue chair pad just now, to cover the spoilt chair that always cut into my butt. It's in blue, with some fish printing. Will take some time off to watch `Shark's Tale'. Think it will be good.

What?

sigh, it's such a boring day. basically i just hibernate inside my room for the WHOLE day. i'm just too lazy to go out. it's just so hot! i can't stand the heat eventhough i sat under the fan. should have gone to somewhere that's fully air-con.

watch a thai movie - Kunpan, Legend of the War Lord. thought it's good, since a friend recomended it, but turns out not as good as i've expected. a lot of karma thing: he did bad, so all of those around him suffer, his wife, his mother, his son. then theres the baddie that's always back stabbing him, then he also suffer in the end. bla bla bla, but not that enjoyable. rather watch disney's cartoon. haha

dinner is ramen! miso ramen! better than the cat cat store. but not as good as genki. but they cheated us. supposely there's a promotion, but turns out they counted us the normal price! sigh, really gonna consider whether gonna go back to that shop or not. see whether i crave ramen in the future or not. or i just want plain sushi.

watching queer eye for the straight guy. kinda amazing, with every episode they can just transform those not presentable guys to total macho man! haha, but i do wonder, whether those that have been transformed will keep with the new habit. well, that's just a tv show, can't expect much right?

Bored.....

Today’s paper is quite ok. Never thought the lecturer will give pass year questions! not like his style. He’s that type that will change the questions every single semester, to make our life miserable. Anyway, hope I can score for this paper coz I do like this subject, very much indeed.

Came back and slept for the whole afternoon! I’m just like a hibernating bear. Lucky I didn’t eat as much as it. Actually planned to go eat ramen in a new shop in the shopping complex with Lucas, but he suddenly went back home town. Ah well, need to postpone it I guess. Been thinking how good would it taste…. Much better than that cat-cat shop I hope.

Have tried the core muscle exercise in the magazine, and wow! It’s so tough man! Looks easy in the mag, but when I tried it out, I can’t even do the recommended 1 set! This shows that my core muscle not as strong as I thought. Will continue doing it until I can manage a full 2 sets! (especially the side lying t-stand, I can’t even do once!)

Tomorrow’s paper will be the final one for this week, but I’m not really studying it much. Just need to memorize and bring my commonsense into the exam hall. This is not a hard paper, so wish me luck!

No motivation......

Woke up late this morning, plan to wake up early to study, but the weather is just toooo good to sleep.... been raining whole morning till afternoon, feel so comfy snuggled in bed. Woke up, then study, but don't know why, feel very moody and dishearted. After tuesday's paper, suddenly feel like my whole life is upside down, very disappointed with myself. Really can't do good in exams... But tomorrow's paper, I'm like, very relax. Don't know whether is it i understand the syllabus well, or i just con't care bout it anymore.

Anyway, had dinner in wan utama, in a japanese restaurant (forgot it's name, but it has a cute cat as it's logo) ordered ramen, turn out it's chili-oil-in-soup-with-vege ramen! Tasted horrible.... Very oily, it kinda taste like the chinese fu-yu oil, then added in soup. Promise myself silently won't be going back to that shop ever again! It's expensive, and the food is not nice. Wanted to try new things, but this time not that lucky, haha.

Think i've spoiled my diet today. Had heavy dinner and supper. Too much calories. I must admit I'm way tooooo obsessed with my weight and my body. Losing weight now, not that i'm fat, just that the proportion of my body is not nice. my body looks like a water tong from top till the bottem, no waist line, haha. so need to so someting about the waist... exercise, exercise, exercise!

Phew! Plants!

Phew, I knew I’ve failed this paper. Not that I didn’t study, it’s just that, sigh, I did it again, I spot questions, and those that I spot didn’t come out. Haha. Think most of my coursemates also feel the same as I am now. I just wanna laugh out loud when I got the question papers, not even ONE QUESTION I can answer! By that time I just want to run ont of the exam hall and scream out loud. Luckily this is not my core paper, I can just replace it with another paper. I’m so tension, when I have a nap after this paper, I dreamt about the notes! Imagine, dreaming the lecture notes! Is this normal? I’m just too stressed out.

Wonder why, I am a so called university student, and still I’m facing the same problem when I’m in primary school, MEMORIZING. I do not quite understand the lectures, just memorize it, hope I can score with just those few. But alas! The format is totally different from those that I encounter! So those that I memorize, sigh, no use. Just how well am I equipped as a university graduate? All the knowledge is not gain, but memorize. I can’t even remember what I memorized last night! So this is the education system of our country, we are not suppose to gain knowledge by reading and passing our exams, but MEMORIZING the lecture notes, and vomit it out during finals. I’m quite tired with this system, coz I’m not good at memorizing. Not that I didn’t study, but I really can’t memorize all those things that I didn’t understand. ah well, think I need to bear with this another 2 more semester, and I’m off!

Went to dinner with Lucas just now, he’s quite reluctant to talk at first, need me persuade him to talk. Sometimes really at my wits end, don’t know how to strike a conversation. It’s been so long we’ve been together, like nothing to talk already. Need to find some things to spice up our life! Really think I need to go holiday with him.

My first blog

Ah my first blog. Never thought I ever get one. hehe.

Kinda moody today, have to blame it to PMS. sigh. Why God created me as a female? Had a fight with Lucas just now, have to blame it to PMS too. haha. What to do, sigh. It's just life man. Wonder why I got so pissed off when he asked me to go look for him and his friends, i got furious. It's just normal thing, but I got so upset. I didn't answer his call, switched off the phone, and went to MPH. (I'm having my Plant bio molecule final paper tomorrow morning at 11.30! still I went to MPH) then feel bad about it, and sms him. I still feel bad. I can't handle my emotions, can't control it, and again, I blame it all on PMS!